My funniest Halloween "disaster"

Since Halloween is today, I thought I’d share my funniest, goofiest memory that happened way, way back.

When I bought my first house, I was in this starter neighborhood in the suburbs of Denver. I was in my 20s, but I had this giant St. Bernard dog, Samson, so I always had to live in neighborhoods with families and kids and Big Wheels because I needed a big fence and a yard for my dog. (For those of you who’ve known me a couple decades, the giant Great Pyrenees dog, Merlin, came after Samson.)

So, I had just moved into my new house and I was in a little cul-de-sac in this Starterville neighborhood and all the kids were, on the average, about 9 years old. I asked one of the neighbors one day, "Okay, so Halloween's coming up, how many bags of candy do you think I should buy?" 

And she looks me straight in the eye and says, "About 30."

And I said, "What? Are you kidding me? 30 bags of candy?" 

And she said, "Look, you moved into a neighborhood that's full of kids. Trust me, you're going to need 30 bags of candy." 

So I dutifully went to the store and I bought as much as my rational mind would allow … because me and my rational mind both thought that 30 bags was crazy. I filled my cart with about 20 bags and figured it would be MORE than enough.

On Halloween night, all the kids are coming out trick or treating, and I was dating this really funny guy at the time, his name was Chris. Since neither he nor I had owned a house before, he wanted to join me in passing out Halloween candy.

Now, Chris is one of those guys who could have been a standup comedian. He was so funny that I would just laugh until I cried. He was helping me pass out candy and making all these funny little comments with the kids and the costumes - everybody loved Chris.

… And within about two hours we’re completely out of candy. 

So I said, "What are we going to do? Should we close the curtains and shut off the lights?" 

And he said, "No, no, we can't shut down the lights." So, he opens up my pantry and he starts giving out my canned food.

It was hysterical. The kids would come up and say, "Trick or treat," and he'd be like, "I have this can of tomato paste for you with Italian herb seasoning. You are so going to love this. Take this to your mother." 

Clearly, he was also a great salesman. The kids would look up at us with their little faces, sometimes their masks a bit askew, and you could see them trying to sort out this unusual turn of events. And then they’d just accept it, "Okay. Yeah, okay. Thank you!”

And then Chris would be there with another can for the next kid … "I have a can of Navy beans here. You're going to absolutely love these, they go perfectly with a hearty turkey chili.”

It was hysterical. He cleared out my whole pantry, down to the canned sardines and the dried onion soup mix, his salesmanship growing as the stranger things had to be handed off.

Can you imagine what it was like when the kids got home? I can just see their parents watching the kids dump out their evening’s take … and a can of Cream of Chicken Soup rolling out with the Snickers bars.

I want you to remember this, my friend …
Just because you may not look like all yummy and scrumptious like a full-size Hershey’s chocolate bar, you have a utility about you that’s all your own. Someone out there is going to love the sense of humor you dish it up with.

Be safe out there tonight. And when you have the option … always, always buy more candy.